either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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