Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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