So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
