Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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