I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
