hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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