Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
