I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
