What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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