My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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