i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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