so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
