If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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