shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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