is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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