He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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