Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
