it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
