The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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