i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize