I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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