OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
