did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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