Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
