Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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