i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
