great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
