don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
