Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
