I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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