So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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