your room smells of hookers.
And success
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
