sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
