My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
