he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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