hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize