hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
