Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Welp...herpes.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
