i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
