I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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