is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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