1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
