Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
A bitchslap is in order.
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