I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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