You just made me feel so damn special
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
