i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
