I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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