I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How external is "for external use only"?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
