Plan B is the new Plan A
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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