you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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