If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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