if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
