the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
where are you?
Hypothermia
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
