I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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