I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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