How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
