bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
