saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
