Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
