The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
