All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
