i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Never joke about your clitoris.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
