remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
