just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
