Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
