just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
