Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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