He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
