well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
